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Give the number one at Distrowatch https://mxlinux.org a try or Puppy Linux https://puppylinux-woof-ce.github.io/ or https://spirallinux.github.io/ The first and the third are Debian based.
Depends a bit on what you’d like to achieve. I’d say play around with YunoHost on a VPS to get started and learn more. With YunoHost you will get XMPP and email server after installation, and then you can start installing other YunoHost apps.
Looks like a nice project if you manage to run your own gateway. People have been posting about this one on Lemmy before https://lemmy.ml/comment/376398 and maybe the software code author is on Lemmy as well : https://lemmy.ml/post/2045121
Maybe this can help after installing pi-hole : https://www.pivpn.io
UPS, good idea.
backups too.
There’s https://borgwarehouse.com/ Haven’t found the time to test it but looks interesting.