I mean, I was in high school when the cell phones were largely flip phones and that one nokia brick that could probably survive being run over by a tank and at that point the rule was “nobody gives a shit if it’s in your pocket/in your bag and on silent, but if I see it or if it’s making loud disruptive noises from wherever you’ve got it it’s going in my desk until the bell rings”. That still seems a reasonable middle ground in my opinion. That way, it’s still accessible enough in the event of an actual emergency but not usable otherwise.

I believe they’re already under a 40 day boycott

I’m guessing whatever it scraped to generate this was intended for divvying up food rather than doing actual math. 1/3 plus a third of a third is close enough to a half if you’re talking about portioning out pizza or leftovers or what have you.

Honestly in a use case like family photos, redoing it every x amount of time is probably a good idea anyway so new ones can be added.

Not as far as “dumb” per se but I would accept “less smart” in exchange for physical buttons and a removable battery.

There was Big Bob’s Beepers on Hey Arnold.