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Cake day: January 9th, 2024

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  • My wife enjoyed it as a simple popcorn flick, I enjoyed ranting about it on the drive home.

    spoiler

    “Ok guys, listen up! Emperor’s been killed, and we got a whole bunch of dead senators, gladiators, and soldiers in the Colosseum. I know you guys have probably heard there’s an army of 5,000 soldiers marching in a straight line right outside the walls and also that there’s another army of 6,000 people that just got mentioned in the previous scene, but still we got a job to do. We gotta get these dead bodies outta the Colosseum right this instant!”

    “Boss, you want us to clean the whole Colosseum right now, when it was loosely implied that the whole city was fomenting a riot?”

    “You’re goddamn right, Wazlowski! All the bodies, weapons, any debris, I want it gone. Now!”

    “Alright, boss, you got it. What do you want us to do with the giant platform that all the senators and that old lady were tied to? Obviously we’d remove that, too, right?”

    “Don’t get smart with me, Wazlowski. Unchain all the dead senators, have someone climb up onto the giant platform and untie the dead broad, remove absolutely every bit of the carnage that’s still raining down all around us, but don’t move the giant platform one inch! That gladiator who got on a horse and chased Denzel Washington out of here a few minutes ago even though it doesn’t make any sense that he and Denzel both ended up riding horses out of the same gate based on where they were literally seconds earlier, that guy may want to come back here immediately after the battle to gently touch the giant platform with his hand and stoically stare off into the distance, considering all he’s lost…and all he’s gained.”












  • In the last month, have gone to the theater for…

    Twisters - exactly what you expect it to be.

    Deadpool & Wolverine - aggressively boring, walked out in the final half hour. I don’t fully blame the movie, I was in a bad mood to begin with…but it did nothing to charm me.

    It Ends with Us - ridiculous movie with a strange take on domestic violence

    Alien:Romulus - entertaining, if you can get past the “it’s a dystopian corpo hellscape grinding these dirt poor miners into dust, but also they’re all in their early 20s and sexy with perfect hair.” I’m not a huge Alien lore purist, so I didn’t have the same reaction that more hardcore fans probably had.

    My wife wants to see Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice but has not seen original Beetlejuice, so we’re planning to stream that tonight or tomorrow. I haven’t seen it since it came out and barely remember it.