Is the pear tree included? Do I get one pear tree? 12 pear trees? No pear tree? This might be a dealbreaker, so take your time answering.

It sued itself in its confusion!

Toyota, Mazda and Honda are the only makes I’ve really ever considered, or ever plan to consider. Of those 3, Honda has not gone that route yet as far as I know. Correct me if I’m wrong.

I was considering a Mazda for my next car. Now I’m not.

I live in a place that gets fucking cold in the winter. If the normal fob option were always available and you get the option to pay for the convenience using an app, that would be one thing - though $10/month for that is ridiculous. But removing the fob option and locking this basic feature behind a subscription is exactly the sort of game I don’t want my vehicle to play with me.

Go ahead and sell roadside coverage, parts/repairs, batteries, get royalties from Sirius or whatever for extra cash flow. Make a great app that adds new convenient live-service features and is worth paying for, even. But fuck all these new subscription un-gimping games.

It’s all leading to one final product: VR sex robots

We’re concerned that your home doesn’t look soul crushing enough. Please upgrade your home office by installing fluorescent tube lights and covering your walls with rough faded blue grey cloth, or we’ll need you to come into the office.

I also use the cheapest Walmart ones and they’re fine - much better than the “try 15 angles till you find the right one” cords. The trick is to raise them slowly and gingerly so that you’re not just bunching up the blinds.

My favorite thing about them is the snap-on installation. No more sketchy slide-in plastic cubes with a plastic cover. Just drill the metal clamp on and snap them in. Surprisingly sturdy.

I actually didn’t know the old style was “illegal.” I just thought they were so unpopular that they replaced them, even at the most basic option.

So the robots are now more successful at proving they’re human than I am.

I think they’d do two things if they want to keep the buy button. 1) Not require always online connections to play, or properly remove the online requirement or convert to P2P in the case of multiplayer games if they want to end support, or 2) sell their server infrastructure to a third party.

I assume this law is to preempt demand for something similar to the EU’s “stop killing games” petition. It’s a way to say that consumers were made aware and agreed that their games are only temporary licenses, so they can’t demand refunds or continued support when the company wants to stop.

There should be an exception: If they want to still say “buy” or fail to comply, they will need to refund the full original purchase price if they ever shut down the server.

Next do planned obsolescence and products that are designed to break a week after the warranty expires.

Adobe rn:

I will find text versions of everything I need to learn about and create my own video, and then watch it.

“We see you had it toggled on for 16 seconds when you first opened the app, so that still counts. Also we can legally kill you if we want.”

And in Apple’s case they’re just being forced to pay back taxes, not even any fines. They’re basically undoing an illegal tax break from Ireland, which has spent $10 million in legal fees to fight against receiving it. Technically the Irish government is the one that fucked up here. Apple will have to pay and move forward paying a normal tax rate.

Better than antinography

Every game I play teaches me that I will immediately die in real life if anything bad ever happens.

Every FPS - shot dead immediately. No respawning.

Scary game - heart attack immediately.

Every sword game - maimed horrifically.

Zombie apocalypse - eaten immediately, and I’ll turn into a fat one that explodes later.

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Lizard people are able to disrupt electronics like cameras and microphones.

“Free calls. Free internet. For everyone. Forever.”

Imagine seeing that message and buying another product from them.

“It’s time to artificially create waste. Don’t worry, you won’t see this message again. Our new cookers are designed to not last 10 years.”